I’m almost totally certain our house has a troll

I know it’s around here somewhere. I haven’t actually seen it yet but all the signs that it exists are definitely there. I’m almost totally certain that our house has a troll.  

Not one of those big ugly ones that aren’t too bright, smell bad and live under bridges. A little guy that’s pretty smart and who has mischief on his mind.  He has a lot of the characteristics of a poltergeist but since I’m not really sure I believe in ghosts―and I know that trolls are for real, having read “Billy Goat Gruff” at an early age―I prefer to think that our house guest is of the trollish persuasion.

I haven’t discussed this with the Queen of our house. She has a much firmer grip on reality than I have and probably wouldn’t understand my reasons for having come to this conclusion. I’ll try to get some firmer evidence before bringing the matter up.  

He―I’m assuming it to be a male because of the silliness of some of his pranks―moves or hides things. This gets to be annoying. I find myself finding, with growing frequency, that things are not where I know with certainty I have put them.  

For example, this morning when I was going out to play in the gardens I went to put on my favorite baseball cap. The sun was hot and bereft of my own natural covering, I wished to avoid a sun scorched scalp. It was not on the hook where I faithfully hang it upon removal. It was nowhere to be found so I had to wear my second best cap.  Later in the day, I found the cap lying on the porch glider.  The little devil must have stuck it there when I was outside harvesting weeds in the garden.  

Still later in the day, he got my glasses. I looked everywhere, in all the usual places. Not there.

I was on my way into the kitchen to look for them when, pausing to admire myself in the hallway mirror, I discovered them perched atop my forehead. How he got them there without my knowledge is beyond me!

Being by nature a very tolerant and forgiving old guy, I could probably live with the little guy without many problems except for the fact that he’s always getting me in trouble with the Queen.  

Since she doesn’t know about his presence, she frequently blames me for things that are misplaced or missing. I know I didn’t take her hairbrush; I have no reason or need to have taken it. She later discovered it in her purse where I’m sure the troll had put it.  I don’t like being the fall guy.

I think he lives under the refrigerator because Telly, the faithful canine, frequently looks under it. I’d set a trap but I don’t really want to hurt him. I do have to admire his stealth and cunning. He hides or moves so many of our things that it’s a wonder he can do it without being seen or heard.  

I think Telly has made a deal with him. He won’t bother him as long as he leaves his food dish alone. Dogs are clever that way.

I think I’ll call him Treeroc, that’s a proper trollish name.

Thought for the week

What happened to Roebuck?  When I was growing up it was Sears and Roebuck. Now it’s just Sears. Where did Roebuck go?   It just doesn’t seem or sound right somehow.

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

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Dick Brooks is a locally renowned humor columnist. A resident of New Baltimore, Dick is a retired schoolteacher and former Greene County legislator.

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